A Quick Diet/Body Update

Photo by Katarzyna Grabowska on Unsplash

Project 365, Day 161/365

Hi all! I’m going to make today quick, as I have a big photoshoot for work in the morning that I need to be up very early for. It’s the first time I’ll be back in person doing anything for work in a while. It seems like workplaces all at once are starting to dip their employees’ toes in the “let’s get back to things” water, whether we’re ready for it yet or not. My job has been supportive and cautious. I opted to go to this shoot, no one made me, just something I wanted to try.

Anyhow, as so many of you are immensely supportive of me and my health and my body ailments, I figured I’d take a little time to pop in and provide you all with an update. I’m on month eight of my mysterious body ailments, and while a quick comparison of my “right now” to myself a few months back will reveal some good progress, I’m still not back to myself. There are days that I wonder whether I’ll ever be back there. Those are usually the harder days. On good days, which I had a lot of recently—more on that in a bit—it’s easier to think “Hey! Look at me go! I’ll be better in no time!”

Being positive on positive days = easy peasy. Being positive on rough days = HAHAHA yeah right. But those are the days you need it most, right? Those are the days I need to meditate the most, and feel zero motivation to. I admit, I’ve fallen off the meditation train since I started having good day after good day during my cleanse.

Speaking of, some of you may remember I did a 21-day elimination diet, and I felt SO GOOD by the end of it. I kept texting my sister every day, telling her how happy I was, how surprised I was to feel as good as I did. It had been a VERY long time since I felt good. I thought I had unlocked something, something no doctor had been able to unlock for me, but sadly, after a few days of it ending, things started going back to how they were before I started. I have very slowly reintroduced some things (corn, oats, nuts), but something tells me it’s none of those. In general, I feel better not eating sugar, dairy, gluten and the like, so I’m going to keep on keepin’ on. Maybe it’s just an office few days. Hormones? My physical therapist says regardless of how things are now, those two weeks of feeling good are like a savings account to my body. It will remember, and it stores that in its tank. I am capable of feeling mostly good, and I will again.

Before the cleanse, I had seen a rheumatologist (wow was he wonderful) who ran a bunch of blood panels to rulw=e out anything autoimmune. Thankfully, that all came back negative, so now I’m on to see a neurologist. I don’t necessarily feel any closer to an answer about what is happening with my body, but I don’t feel further. Things have been ruled out, which is helpful. As I keep seeing my Western medicine practitioners, I continue visiting my acupuncturist weekly. When I first started, I felt a shift in my body, but after a few months, I stopped seeing much improvement. She’s a fantastic counselor to me, and determined to help me, so I keep seeing her, and we keep trying some new things. If anything, the acupuncture helps me with my mental and spiritual health, which I’ve realized is immensely important to feeling like my life hasn’t been stripped away from me, but also keeps my body moving toward healing.

It’s a very slow, uphill battle to get back to myself. But I’m not giving up. Sometimes, when I need to hear it, I’ll turn to Charles in a vulnerable state and ask him “Do you think I’ll ever feel good again? That my body will fully heal?” He knows I need him to say yes. There is no “no” here. But every time he answers me, his “yes” is so sincere, so hopeful. I think part of it is something he needs to hear himself. That his wife will get better. Something he needs to be believe as much as I do, maybe more. I will be back to myself. I’m not leaving myself another choice. Even if “myself” is different, and I know it will be, I will be back to myself.

So that’s where I am right now. I still struggle with being overly physical. I still feel like weights are tied to my legs as I walk. Sometimes, the weights are lighter, sometimes they’re heavier. But I have a support system that will get me through. Including you, FOAS.

See you tomorrow, friends.