Confession: As a Design Writer, I Really Struggle with Telling People How to Decorate Their Homes

I know the title of this post might seem a bit odd, but that doesn’t make it any less true. This realization hit me the other day where many other realizations tend to find me: in a moving car (or the shower, but this time it was the car). Side note: am I the only one that prefers being in a car with nothing on…no radio, no music, no podcast, nothing? Charles always wants to have something on, because he likes to keep his mind busy, always learning something or being entertained, while I really, truly enjoy the mental space that sitting in silence allows me.

So yeah, we were driving along, probably with music or a podcast playing but I was doing what I do best: zoning out. I grapple often with not writing enough about design here on Arlyn Says. It’s my expertise, after all…in theory. It’s what I did for a living, what paid my bills, for well over a decade, but I just can’t bring myself to do much of it here on this blog. Happy to pen some articles for publications who ask, but here…eh.

I couldn’t really figure out why, until recently. I don’t mind putting up updates on a room design I might be working on (or NOT working on…#mybedroom), or sharing a round up of furniture or decor I’m eyeing, but when it comes time to some sort of tips or trends or “hacks” post, I get stuck. And now I know why: I don’t feel comfortable telling people what to do. Let me explain.

Here’s what I do like: sharing something helpful that might offer a solution to something in someone’s home. The number of times readers have reached out to me to thank me for my curtain training trick I shared many moons ago makes me endlessly happy. I always get so excited that something I shared was positively impactful. But here’s what I don’t like: anyone feeling like their lifestyle or their home sucks just because it doesn’t look like some picture-perfect internet version of design that I helped to perpetuate somehow.

Don’t get me wrong. If someone were to invite me into their home and ask me for help or advice, I would have PLENTY to say, I’m sure. I love tinkering, rearranging, making spaces functional, beautiful, special. But what I hate is a space that looks just like it was ripped from the digital feed of whatever social channel you happen to be on. As I’m sure you probably know by now, I prefer spaces that literally *only* the person or persons living in it could have curated and created, even if it’s not “designer worthy.”

We see so much of the same-same these days. People who follow bloggers and designers and essentially take their advice and just mimic what they do in their own home. Look, I get it…design is HARD. I am not shaming anyone for seeing something in someone else’s home or design and thinking “oh! I’m going to do that, too.” I mean, I do it, as well. It’s called “inspiration,” but my brain somehow processes writing tips and how-tos on design as saying “do it MY way, be just like me” and I very much struggle with that.

I’m not entirely sure why I’m even writing this beyond the fact that I just felt compelled to, so here I am, telling you why writing about design in a service-oriented way here, on my personal blog where I spill my heart and soul most days, feels pretty empty to me. I think I’d possibly feel more comfortable if I were documenting something and bringing you along for the ride. That I could do. And maybe that’s the answer. A way to satisfy my desire to write open and honestly and personally, but also dive into a topic I do very much love. Side note #2: I recognize literally no one is sitting here telling me what I can or can’t or should or should not be writing about; the opposite really. That’s not what this is about, even though I think that’s where I brought it.

All of this to say, our homes are ours. Seek out inspiration and information where it’s helpful to you, whether that’s here, another blogger, a TV show, a magazine, pretty pictures, travel inspiration, books…wherever. I’m just coming to terms with my own internal need to NOT tell you what to do so that all our homes don’t end up looking like copies of one another or you feel less than in any way. Basically, I’m tired of scrolling through Instagram and being served photos of homes that all look the same, with the same styling, and the same blonde wood decorative chain links draped ever just so on a stack of the same design coffee table books no one has (probably) read.

And now, I sound cranky, which makes me think it’s time to wrap it up. If I were accepting an award on live national TV, I likely would have been ushered off the stage already. They would have cut to commercial. So I’ll cut myself to commercial.

Thanks for listening. See you tomorrow, FOAS.