On Finding Your “Village”
Last week, I wrote a post about the things that surprised me the most about being pregnant. Essentially all the things I came up with were physical, but I forgot one very big part that has nothing to do with me or my body. Over the last several months, the community of moms around me—mostly within my age group, friends and acquaintances—have truly shocked me with their care and support. All completely unprompted. I noticed it early on in this journey. It was as if I had been inducted into a secret club I never knew existed. And today, that was cemented for me.
A woman I know mostly through the internet (though we have met a handful of times and are essentially in the same field) reached out to me when I first announced I was having a baby. She herself was a new mom, with a little babe of just a few weeks. Since then, she’s constantly touched base to unload all kinds of information to me that has been immensely helpful. Things I didn’t even know to ask (like about how my insurance probably covers a lactation specialist complete with a recommendation and a website to go check my coverage). We chatted back and forth today for a while. She looked over my registry and pointed out a few things I was maybe missing or overlooking. She talked to me about her post-partum struggles, including a bought with depression, leaving me with her phone number to reach out to her at any time if I felt like I was dipping into that territory (“If it happens to you, don’t be afraid to reach out. I can help you with resources”).
“Truly I’ve been so amazed with the help and the resources and the support. It’s like the second you become pregnant, you’re pulled into this circle of amazing humans who get you. This community of women, mothers, who are a force,” I said to her after a while. She agreed, and retorted that “you become indebted so it feels important to pay forward your knowledge.”
She’s not the only one to wrap me in love and support during this process. Two friends in particular—each busy with their own young kids—reach out to me nearly daily. “How are you feeling?” is a regular conversation starter. They answer all my questions I have constantly, wondering if certain things are normal or just general thoughts and feelings I’m having. Another friend assured me that I could text her day or night about *anything* because she’s usually up feeding her 9-month baby girl at odd hours of the night. And the thing is, it has all been immensely sincere. There is no level of “yeah sure, give me a ring…but also don’t” that you can sometimes feel with people about other things. Each and every one of these women seems eager, hungry to help. Maybe it stems from having a similar experience as I’m having and, in fact, feeling indebted. Maybe it comes from a place of having none of that, wishing they had had people around them to help.
It’s a virtual long-distance village that has shown up for me without poking or prodding or any sense of “repayment.” The boxes of hand-me-downs I’ve received of all sorts come with absolutely no strings attached; gifted with so much love. It’s truly amazing and heart-warming to experience.
And while part of why I’m writing about this is just to say my sincerest gratitude to every single mother who has helped me on this journey and will continue to help me, it’s also in part to encourage you to find your people, your “village” for whatever stage you’re going through in your life. Find the people who have been through it, the people who get you without having to say much at all, the people who know just what to do for you because they needed it done for themselves. These are the people (even if it’s just one person) who will get you through without feeling the weight of being a burden in any way.
Through this hard year, you have also been my village, my people, and I want to thank you. I don’t know what it would have been like without FOAS. 🙂
See you tomorrow, friends.