Oprah Does It Again…

Project 365, Day 16

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that part of the reason that I’m doing this writing project is to do a bit of self-discovery. I’m taking myself on a yearlong walk of sorts. I’m not particularly “lost” right now, but I guess to some degree I am. I know what I’m good at, and as a recovering overachiever, I tend to align myself with those things, rather than the things I’m actually passionate about. Do you do this? I’d like to think it’s a natural thing. When you’re good at something and you do it, there’s a satisfaction that comes at the end of it. A gold star. Man, I LOVE a gold star. But if you were to stop and ask yourself to what level you actually enjoyed that thing, even if you got zero praise for it or struggled with it immensely, would it still be something you wanted to do?

I’m being a bit cryptic for the sake of a little privacy, but hopefully you understand what I mean.

This thought was floating around my head the past few days. Where is the intersection of things I’m good at and enjoy? Or maybe I’m not good at it yet, but it’s still a pleasure? Honestly, I can answer that pretty quickly. And for me, that’s design. I can talk about fabric, paint colors, furniture orientations, sofa styles, moldings all day every day. I get lost for hours moodboarding a space, finding just the right side table. A friend texts me out of the blue asking me how high they should hang their curtains, and I get giddy with delight. The only other thing I love as much? Food. Eating it, cooking it, looking at photos of it, reading essays about it.

There was a point early on in my career where I was this close to walking away from journalism and enrolling in culinary school. I’m glad I didn’t go that route; professional kitchens aren’t for me. A few episodes of Top Chef made that very clear. I don’t want to be a chef, but a cook, that I can be. That I already am.

I bring all of this up to say, this idea of life passions has been swirling in my soul lately. Maybe it’s the state of the world and missing my family and being cooped up for over 10 months, but we get 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year and, well, there’s no telling how many years. Hopefully something close to three digits.

To say that this episode rocked me that day is an understatement.

Nearly two years ago, I was in a serious life funk. Unsure of what I wanted. Tired of working in digital content, not convinced Los Angeles was a place I wanted to be, so I found immense comfort in a certain category of podcasts—mainly entrepreneurial focused ones, but also Oprah’s Super Soul. I mean…it’s Oprah. It’s safe to say she has some things figured out. This one day in particular, I got to an episode with author Paulo Coelho (he wrote the famed book The Alchemist among many others). I can still see the old-growth trees and the grand houses of Hancock Park flashing by me as I listened; I took the scenic route to work because it’s one of my favorite neighbors in LA and who wouldn’t want to start their day that way? To say that this episode rocked me that day is an understatement. I listened, lost in his words, heart-pounding as it does when you know you’re experiencing something pivotal. Important. It was a two-part interview and nearly every word of it cut its way through not just my brain but my soul. Guess that’s why it’s called Super Soul. Oprah strikes again.

Later that night, I went home and told Charles about the episodes. Seeing that I was clearly affected, he asked me to recount them in detail, taking the time to listen to me stumble through it. My mouth moving far slower than my brain. By the end, I was bawling on the floor of my apartment. Not out of sadness, but out of mental clarity. It was like when you have a sneeze stuck in your nose and it keeps eluding you. And then, finally, you sneeze so hard and feel a huge relief. This episode was a LIFE sneeze for me at the time. I knew right then and there that what I truly wanted, what I felt called to do, was design.

“Well…did you become a designer?” you might be asking me through the screen. NO, OF COURSE NOT. I design, yes, but it’s not my career. The thing is, I didn’t know what to do with that information when I unearthed it from my brain-soul. I took one interior design class in college for fun and hated it. Go back to school? Now?!? After pouring myself into my editorial career for 13 years? Who does that? Well, lots of people actually.

That moment when my soul handed me my purpose on a silver platter and I said “what am I supposed to do with this?”

I did eventually move on from my editorial career, into marketing (for a furniture company) and found a different stride. But on days like these past few, where the thoughts swirl, and I have a platform to just tinker around with words and feelings, I go back to that day, post-podcast episode. That moment when my soul handed me my purpose on a silver platter and I said “what am I supposed to do with this?” It’s almost worse that I know, because, as Paulo says in the episode, every day you’re not doing what you’re called to do is a day you’re choosing to not walk your life’s path. I mean…that’s a hard pill to swallow. Or worse, what if I pursue what I thought was the right thing only to actually hate it? Then what?!! Be lost all over again?

There are innumerable paths your life can take, of course. To think and believe that it’s just the one thing we all have within us is way too restrictive for me. Some people are jackhammers…hammering away at one thing they are passionate about; their life’s calling. Other people are hummingbirds, fluttering around from flower to flower, perfectly content, driven by curiosity. I think I fall more in the category of hummingbird than jackhammer, all the while spending most of my life demanding of myself that I be a jackhammer. (This idea, btw, of the jackhammer vs. the hummingbird came from another episode of Super Soul Sunday with Elizabeth Gilbert…another immensely eyeopening listen. Linking here if you have some time.)

Anyway, I realize this post is a brain dump. I’m making no apologies about that, just calling it out. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do with this memory that’s bubbled up. Maybe nothing for now. But I did feel called to share Paulo’s episodes here with you, in case you need it right now as much as I needed it back then. In fact, it might be the perfect time for me to re-listen to this. Here is Episode 1, and here is Episode 2. Guess I know what I’m doing Saturday afternoon. 🙂

See you tomorrow, friends.