Rabbit, Rabbit

Ever since I can remember, well, probably since I was of Disney Channel-viewing age, I’d wake up on the first of the month, and try not to say a peep before I could utter the words “Rabbit, rabbit.” When I accidentally grumbled something to my dad or sibling or mom—“FIVE MORE MINUTES!” for instance, when I just needed a little more sleep—I’d get so upset at myself. Surely, that meant I would have an awful month, and I’d have to wait another four weeks to reset my luck-o-meter.
 
Never heard of “rabbit, rabbit”? Ha, you must have been a Nickelodeon kid, hm? Kidding. Somewhere in my memory, I can remember a little commercial clip from the Disney channel touting the British superstition that ensured good luck all month long. There’s actually an NPR article about it from several years ago, so no, I didn’t make this up.
 
I’m not particularly superstitious (more just constantly terrified and paranoid of horrific things happening) but it’s just one of those things I do. A “secret single behavior” as some of my friends call it. I’m pretty sure my own husband didn’t know I did this until recently when I told him. My parents reading this right now are likely saying to each other “did you know she did that?!?” What can I say? I was a strange kid and I’m a strange adult. Anyway, I especially felt it yesterday morning. “RABBIT, RABBIT” I said so intently, eyes squeezed tight as if that would somehow magnify the good luck. Radiate it outside of my head, outside of my room, out onto the world. Boy, do we need some rabbit, rabbit more than ever these days.
 
Not to go too deeply into it, because I’m sure no one signed up for this newsletter for my constant sentimental banter, but it was a week. Bad news came from every direction, it felt like. A friend’s mother, a friend’s friend, a friend. Gone for reasons Covid-related and non-Covid-related. There’s only so much of that you can take in at once before just want to crawl into your closet, deep behind the hung clothes, hidden away for just a little bit.
 
I know I went on last week about how there’s a part of me that will miss the peace I’ve found during quarantine, and while I’m not going back on that, I cannot wait for things to move forward, at least just to know what we’re in for. Like many of you, I’m sure, I feel stuck in a sense of uncertainty. It’s kind of like those few days before you started a new grade (better yet, a new school), unsure of what teachers you were going to get, which friends would have lunch with you, what your days would look like compared to what they had looked like the year prior…hoping it was good and not an enormous adjustment. Strip away the excitement of new outfits but add triple the urge to reunite with your buddies and give them all very tight hugs. That’s quarantine for me right now, at least today. Maybe I’ll feel differently by the time you read this.

“It’s like a giant hand has their finger on the pause button for everyone…”

Sure, I’m comfortable being home for the long haul, but dang man, I want the option to leave (safely, without panic or stress). I want to be able to fly to my grandmother’s 90^th birthday, my nephew’s 2^nd birthday, to comfort a hurting friend. I want to attend friends’ and family’s weddings this fall that may or may not get postponed. It’s like some giant hand has their finger on pause for everyone, for better or for worse.

Anyway, that’s not what I intended on writing about today. This is the second thing…no wait, the third thing, I’ve written for this Saturday’s email. I promise to resume more light-hearted topics next week. I’m really thinking hard about what I want this all to be. This is email #5 since I started last month (hey, thanks for still being there!), and I’ve had a lot of thoughts since about how to really focus this, find my niche, but I’ll go into that next week, instead. Until then, I’m going to try to crawl out of my Groundhog Day funk and find some more joy in all of this. Guess I’ll busy myself with some more banana bread baking as a distraction…or start mood boarding my master bedroom redesign (let me know if you’re interested in following that!). Take care, friends. I’ll see you next week.

And hey, rabbit, rabbit to us all.