Rabbit, Rabbit & Catching Up With Old Friends

You know when you have that friend (or maybe multiple friends…::guilty::) that you haven’t talked to you months, perhaps even years. There’s an urge to call them up and rekindle that relationship, but you know it will be a looooooong talk. Recounting your lives to the other party, all the things that are new, that have come and gone, that is worth mentioning. So you put it off, because maybe you don’t have the time, energy, or even the desire to relive it.

That’s been this post. Last month, I dropped a quick hello to let you know that my bedroom reveal was finally live over on Style by Emily Henderson. And that I was back. And that I had quit my job. And that I had moved. PHEW so much. But I glossed over everything, said you’d hear from me soon, and then…didn’t with the except of a quick post to say I’m starting to exercise and then silence again.

Instead of putting off that “call” and catching you up on all the things, maybe we just start here. Right where I am. What’s been going on in recent weeks, rather than nearly the whole last year. How does that sound? Okay, let’s go.

Life at Home Right Now

Transitioning into our new home in a new neighborhood as well as into a new mental space about work for me has been just that…a transition. I briefly mentioned leaving my full-time job as a marketing director back in April. That was a VERY big decision but one I had been on my mind since I found out I was pregnant with Evelyn. When I envisioned myself as a mother, I always pictured flexibility. Being able to be there first and foremost for her, but also work around her schedule and, eventually, her school hours, to do my own thing. There are many, many things that had to come together for me to walk away from my salary, including a whole heap of faith (and tons of budget planning).

Some days, I still sit in a panic that I made the wrong calculations, that we in fact can’t do this, but every day, we keep trudging on just fine. I was lucky enough to land a part-time gig back with my friends over at Emily Henderson, where I’ve been writing 3-4 times a month and contributing in a few other ways. Also, 15 years as a writer/editor has thankfully left me with many industry contacts, so picking up a handful of additional pieces every month helps, too. There’s also a very fun (and very scary) design-book ghostwriting opportunity I’m working on, but more about that when I’m able to talk more in detail.

But this isn’t my end game. I never intended to be a freelance writer. My heart is in media consulting and creative direction…and the occasional writing (and design) project. I’m a hummingbird, not a jackhammer. I have many interests. Including my long-time kind-of-a-joke-but-kind-of-not-a-joke dream of making jam and selling it at the farmer’s market, only to be discovered by a big-time brand or boutique or restaurant, or maybe Mark Cuban, and become the high-power Jamstress I’ve always envisioned…only to then sell my jam empire for many millions and live the rest of my life braiding my daughter’s hair and making cupcakes for her school functions.

That was a very long tangent to say…I’m working on my business. My *real* business. Once I have a proper website for that, I’ll be sure to share it. You know, in case someone here has needs for media consulting or creative direction. 😉

Design Projects in the Hopper

With a new home comes a lot of new design projects. At first, I didn’t really think I’d want to do any here. I poured myself into our last home and having been ripped from it left me a bit salty to do that again. Like a bad breakup, not ready to get back out there again. But now I stand in my kitchen, look around and conjure up five different things I could do in there. Should I do a peel-and-stick checkerboard floor to add some character? Surely the white-walled backsplash could use some love.

There will be plenty I want to do and likely won’t do. No longer having access to my prior income kind of leaves me with other priorities like feeding my family and a smaller budget for not-totally-necessary decorating tasks. But I’m also welcoming the challenge of making things better and more “me” without spending a ton of money. I’m hankering to take my previous white IKEA curtains and tea stain them a warm ivory, then block printing them to give them some life. But that also takes a ton of time and patience, and my hands are fairly full at the moment. We’ll see. And I’ll be sure to share most things here (and some things over on Emily’s site, too).

My Sweet Evelyn

Every parent that has come before me has told me that time is a thief, and also you blink and your kid is 28. Thankfully, I’ve blinked a few times and Evelyn is only 15 months, but most nights, Charles and I just share photos and videos back and forth to each other of when she was 15 days, or 15 weeks old. It feels like 15 lifetimes ago, but also like 15 minutes ago. I miss holding my tiny, sleeping baby. I miss laying her on a blanket on the ground and just staring at her coo and gurgle. Heck, I miss breastfeeding her, too. But I could never walk away from how fun she is now. How she runs around swinging her baby doll and making loud “mwwaaahhhh” kissing sounds to it (and to us).

She’s starting to say some words and while most things no one would possibly understand, Charles and I get it in context almost 80% of the time. And it’s the cutest thing in the world. Hearing her squeal “Dah!!!” in delight when she sees a ball. And an apple. (That’s her word for both those things.)

I still look at her and can’t believe she’s mine. That I’m her mom. That I’m a mom, period. It sometimes feels like I’m playing a role I was cast in, but alas, nope. She’s mine. I’m hers. And nothing has ever made me happier. Or more heartbroken. Or more terrified. Or more excited. A giant cocktail bomb of emotions, this parenthood, huh?

An Update on My Body

My FOAS, you got me through an impossibly hard year with my health. If I didn’t have this blog and you all there helping me through, the dark hole of depression I was living day in and day out may have swallowed me whole. So, it’s worth an update.

Still, to this day, three years later, there is still no one who was able to tell me what was going on with what I was feeling. Tension headaches and internal buzzing and legs so heavy it felt like I strapped iron weights to each ankle. Arms that didn’t feel like my own some days, also full of iron. Acupuncture and chiropractic and physical therapy and purification diets all help a little, but nothing get me to feel like there was long-term hope.

And then I had Evelyn, and I immediately felt nearly 75% better. I don’t know what it was, but she saved me. My girl. My light. My hope. While my legs and back still don’t feel like they did prior to when my symptoms started, most days I have large windows of time where I feel almost normal. And man does “normal” feel so good. I’ve started jogging and am capable of doing it. I dance around the living room with Evelyn and don’t have to sit down within a few minutes from the lower body fatigue. My tension headaches have nearly completely gone away, with the exception of the occasional bummer day when they creep back up.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I feared it all coming back at the snap of my fingers with some unknown trigger. But I try to shake them away as soon as it pops up in my head. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about neuroplastic pain and chronic conditions and have found some truths about myself and my past symptoms in what I’m digging up. It’s interesting, and, even better, studies show that by changing our mind’s relationship with pain, we can create new neuropathways and retrain our bodies, hence eliminating or vastly improving pain symptoms. It’s far more complicated than I just explained it there, but anyway, I’m looking further into it. Being 75% of the way back in my body is miraculous considering how I was feeling even just 16 months ago. The occasional 25% is manageable, but I’d love to be 100%.

What’s Next

No clue. The only thing I’m sure of right now is that I will be consuming massive amounts of watermelon and tomatoes for the next few months, because they are two of my favorite things. Besides that, I just want to have some fun, write what comes to me, hang out with you all again on a more regular basis, and breathe some life back into Arlyn Says, whatever that looks like.

Thanks for being there today and this whole time, even when I was silent.

Talk again soon, FOAS.