Sometimes Being “Weak” is the Strongest Thing You Can Do

Project 365, Day 217/365

I talk a lot about my downfalls here, but I also talk a lot about strength. Facing fears. Staying positive. Being grateful. Working toward better. Today, I’m exhausted by “strength.” I saved this quote a while back that I read sometimes, and every time I do, I feel it deep down.

“I dream of never being called resilient again in my life. I’m exhausted by strength. I want support. I want softness. I want ease. I want to be amongst kin. Not patted on the back for how well I take a hit. Or for how many.” Yup, all those things.

Today, I felt very “human.” I let my fears come out of my mouth. I cried about them. I let them infiltrate Charles’ ears, for him to answer in strength. To tell me I would get through whatever I was breaking down about. That I was strong. That I was going to be okay. But I kept saying to him “I need you to let me sit in my fear. I need to express my fears, my worries, the dark corners of my mind. I can’t be positive all the time. I’m exhausted.”

Toxic positivity is very real. I never aspire to be toxicly positive. I’m pretty sure I’m far from that…with all the complaining I do. But there’s always a guilt that comes along with breaking something…breaking a diet I’m trying to follow to a T, breaking a positive, faithful mental state, breaking down in general.

I am a person who feels deeply. It is not easy for me to push things aside, let things go, shrug it off, particularly about my own feelings. I worry… A LOT. I have A LOT of fears. I am the most pessimistic optimistic you may ever encounter. I’m a walking contradiction. I’m a human.

Anyway, I recognize that it takes an exceptional amount of mental strength and fortitude to get through life, to get through tough things. We absolutely, positively, can do hard things, but sometimes, you just don’t want to have to be strong, even if just for a little bit. That was me today. That is me right now. There isn’t really anything “wrong” so much that my shoulders just felt the weight of all the things today, and I needed a moment to offload it. We should all give ourselves that chance. Let yourself be taken care of, for a change. Let yourself put down the weight, the load, the strength. Be an imperfect human. Say the things you’re afraid to admit to yourself out of pure fear. Feeling is not weakness. Sometimes, it’s the strongest thing you can do. Just let yourself feel.

Deal?

See you tomorrow, FOAS.