The Sentence That Clears My Anxieties & Plants Me in the Present
Project 365, Day 123/365
When I decided to try to write every day four months ago (FOUR MONTHS?!?), I knew there would be days like today where I felt uninspired. I’ve written about this before, of course, as this has happened uh…many times. Sometimes, when I feel this way, I just pull whatever out of the air and just write about it (biscuits, oboes, other random things). It’s like exercise. You just have to push through on hard days, otherwise…well, if you were anything like me, there would be very little exercise in your life.
But other times, even that’s a lot and I really feel like phoning it in. It’s these times where my mind turns, I go a little nuts, and think to myself “if no one read this blog, it wouldn’t matter if I showed up or not,” but the very fact that people come here every day is just enough guilt for me to not fail. THANKS A LOT READERS! 😉
So let’s see if I can salvage today’s post and say something of value.
Mostly, I guess I want to tell you about the brain work I’ve been doing lately. There’s this woman I follow named Nicole Sachs (I think someone here turned me on to her, actually) who does a lot of teaching on stored trauma that materializes in our bodies as chronic pain. Mind-body connection type stuff that I’ve been exploring lately. I never really considered myself as someone with stored trauma, but what I’m finding is that even micro traumas such as ignoring your own needs in place of others, for example, counts. Even something that feels small, like thinking someone…everyone…is mad at you all the time (true story) is a trauma response. All these things compound in our brains over time, and it’s something I’m really trying to deal with. My mind is firing at any given moment, finding something to worry about, or rather, pre-worry about, and releasing that kind of thinking is HARD WORK.
I bookmarked this post a week or two ago and I keep going back to it because I think it’s the key and the core of untethered anxieties, for me at least. It says:
“When you find yourself anxious and pre-grieving, pause. Remind yourself: If it’s not happening right now, it’s not happening.”
Woosa. If that doesn’t unveil the circular thinking I’m constantly fighting, I don’t know what does. And it applies to so many areas of my life: health, work, relationships, future-thinkings like children and finances…IF IT’S NOT HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, IT’S NOT HAPPENING. I can’t tell you how much that’s helped me walk back so many damaging thoughts that do me no good. So this week, I encourage you, if you find yourself worrying about something that has yet to come to pass, pause. Stop. Ask yourself: is this currently happening? Is this worry about something real or about something to worry about? Am I worrying about worry? Be honest with yourself. If the answer ends up pointing to “pre-grieving,” take a deep breath, focus on the present, and do your best to talk yourself out of it.
Something I find that helps is actionable. Whatever I happen to do be doing at the moment that I’m “pre-grieving” or pre-worrying, I try to focus really hard on the task I’m doing at that second. If I’m washing my face, for instance, I try to focus on how the water feels on my face, through my fingers, what my skin feels like on my palms. As soon as I plant myself in the right now, it feels almost silly to myself to be living in a future that hasn’t happened and maybe, even likely, won’t happen.
So that’s all I have to say today. Maybe it’ll help you. Maybe today’s post isn’t for you right now. I’m good with either one.
One last thing I wanted to say is, I’m kind of itching to write about design a little more here and there, so if there’s anything anyone needs help with, let me know. Happy to dive into those topics on the occasion.
See you tomorrow, friends (I’m picking the two Rabbit Rabbit Day winners!).