This Small Mental Shift Has Helped Me Tremendously
In the height of my unknown body aches and pains, I got in the bad habit of proclaiming any moment as “today.” For example: “I feel so bad today.” “My legs hurt so much today.” “I’m so tired today.” “I feel so down today.” The thing is, even on the worst days, those awful feelings didn’t actually last all day. They came in waves, sometimes hours-long, yes, but never sunrise to sunset. Charles, who admittedly would get frustrated with my downer attitude when they struck, would encourage me not to use language like that. He’s a big believer in the old adage that words have power. That first you think something, then you say something, then that thing can come to fruition (for good *and* bad things).
I do, too, but when you’re under your own dark cloud, it’s not always easy to see. Sometimes, when he’d tell me to “right now” rather than “today” for things I was going through or feeling, I’d roll my eyes. Let me sulk, let me feel, let me live in my emotions. But somewhere along the line, I decided to give it a try, and I have to tell you…it’s so much better not to put yourself in a day-long prison of feeling like crap.
It’s a small shift, yes, but sometimes, these tiny little mental pivots are the things that keep you going. Now, when I hear myself grunting “ugh, I feel so ____ today” I stop, reset my thoughts, and literally restate my line. “No, I feel so ____ at this moment/right now” and I can feel a weight lifting off my shoulders. It’s not going to last all day, and even if it does, sometimes, you need to take things moment by moment, rather than day by day.
I wanted to share this because it’s been such a big help for me in tough times, and maybe it can be of help to you. I can tell you that it’s not easy, to shift the mindset. Feeling sorry for yourself when you’re in the thick of things feels really good, like the only option at times. I get it. I’ve been there. But here’s what I can say: feeling sorry for myself never helped me in any way. It didn’t make me feel better physically or mentally, it was just the easier thing to do. What I like about the “right now” versus “today” thought is it lets you acknowledge what you’re going through, what you’re sensing in your body or in your mind, which to me is so important, but it doesn’t cement it. It lets you bring attention to it for the time it takes you to think about it, and then you can move on.
Give it a try if you regularly find your mind sulking in something. Whether it’s shifting “I’m so busy today” to “I feel so busy right now” or “My back hurts so much today” to “My back hurts so much right now.” Dealing with something “right now” gives you the choice to either face it and find a solution (make a to-do list, do some stretching), or just let the moment pass. “Today” can feel like a final sentence, like it’s in the bag, and you might as well try again tomorrow.
Anyway, I hope that helps someone out there. It has helped me tremendously over this past physically tough year, and I plan on taking it with me through those hard days of parenting, as well.
See you tomorrow, FOAS.