What If We Just Stopped With the Expectations?

Project 365, Day 165/365

The older I get, the more I realize the days with lots of expectations behind them are rarely what you want them to be. For instance, big holidays, birthdays and the like. This is not to say that Christmas or my birthday are always a letdown. They are most certainly not, but there’s so much build up to them, so much pressure, so much planning, so much expectation that it almost takes away from how great they are. Great, with an asterisk of pre-stress.

You know what’s wonderful? A day that ends up being fantastic and memorable by complete and utter accident.

I have such a day that popped up in my memory recently. Every time I roast asparagus, I think of this one random Friday night from many years ago. I was living in South Florida at the time, working at a design magazine where I had the pleasure of spending my days with some of my best friends. One rarely gets the opportunity to work with people that are thoroughly their friends, life soul mates, so much more than coworkers. That was what I had at the magazine.

This Friday night in particular, my friend Cara suggested I come over as her husband would be working late. I spent much of my free time at Cara’s. She had the kind of house you just always wanted to be in. Warm, welcoming, laid out perfectly for entertaining. Many a lunch break were spent rushing over together from the office to deal with some design decision or fiasco that came up during their renovation. I strangely felt like that house was partly mine. Not in any real way, but my fingerprints were throughout it, too. The way the Greek key pattern in the kitchen tile was laid out…that was my suggestion. The soft, happy lilac in the breakfast nook…I helped with that. I’m not much for purple, as I’ve said before, but Cara loves it. The English rolled arm sofa from Pottery Barn…I mimicked napping on it in the store, and sliding up and down it in my yoga pants to see if the fabric was too slippery. I made the headboard in the primary bedroom. Man, I miss that house.

While we normally ordered Indian food, we opted to head to the store after work together that day, grab some simple things, and grill instead. I specifically remember what we ate: grilled chicken cutlets, asparagus, an amazingly delicious spiral Italian sausage, and a salad Cara whipped together. We sat in her (lilac) breakfast nook as the grill heated up, prepping the chicken, snapping the asparagus, tossing lettuce with dried fruit and nuts. We listened to music, sang along, talked about work and life and friends and relationships. I recall feeling so happy, so at ease, so full of joy. The kind of feelings you want to have on days with loads of expectations. But it was so light and airy, how I felt, mostly because it all happened with zero planning. A simple, quiet healthy dinner date between two friends.

Nothing particularly memorable happened that night. We didn’t end up in a crazy adventure. We literally sat, ate, chatted, ended up with our feet in the pool at night, swishing around, looking up into the night sky. If only more nights could feel so easy, weightless.

I have no idea if Cara remembers that night like I do. Maybe if I jogged her memory a little, she’d conjure up an “oh yeah! That was great!” but I think of it more than I probably should for being a “nothing” night. It reminds me of a different time in my life. A time when it was just me, and Charles was in Orlando (three hours north). A time when I worked at the magazine which I loved (and begrudged for many reasons). A time when Friday nights were spent with my girlfriends in one way or another. A time when I was in my late 20s and the lure of my tempered 30s were still ahead of me. It was glorious. There’s that saying (I think it’s from the show The Office??) that goes “I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them,” and I have to say, I knew. I know there were the good old days at the time. I knew they wouldn’t last forever, so I savored them.

So that’s what’s on my mind today. I’d love to hear from you about “no-expectation” days of wonder you remember. Please share your stories in the comments, so we can all enjoy them together! 🙂

See you tomorrow, FOAS.