Rabbit, Rabbit (April Edition)
Project 365, Day 92/365
Seconds before I sat down to write this evening, I said aloud to Charles: Tomorrow is rabbit, rabbit day! Riding the wave of my lillordag high, it was almost like a double feature. Today—Wednesday—lillordag; tomorrow, rabbit, rabbit day. What a treat. Rabbit, rabbit, for all of us this month.
Today also happens to mark three full months of daily blogging. Time is a funny thing in that it can feel endless and instant all at once. That’s how this daily practice has felt to me. Endless and instant. But I’m very much through the muck of discipline and think I’m finally starting to get to the good stuff, at least on my insides. It hasn’t all come out yet, but it will, and I’ll be glad when I get to share it. I’m pretty sure on January 1st, I called myself a tortured writer. I always used to say that, because the process of writing was painful and exhausting, trying to figure out how to translate my brain onto a screen, but it’s getting easier, and I’m happily a bit less tortured.
Anyhow, for today, since it’s 11:30 on a Wednesday night and I do indeed have a job to report to in the morning, I thought I’d keep this brief and reassess the intentions I set back in January. If you want to use this as a push to reset for this next quarter, I invite you to! We’re sharers here, if you haven’t noticed. Let’s take a look at where I started, and where I want to go:
I want to quit…
Then: Making lame excuses for why I’m not doing things.
Now: Yeah…same. But I will say I’ve gotten a little better at this so far. And I’m proud of that small progress after decades of excuse making.
I want to learn…
Then: Spanish.
Now: Okay, I know Spanish, like I mentioned back in January, but perhaps this can pivot a little bit. I want to learn more about my culture, my heritage, the people, the food…myself.
I want to try…
Then: Reading more.
Now: I’m doing this! I’m reading more! And I gotta tell ya…it’s freaking wonderful. I’m a bit slow going at it, trying to find the time to read and write and work and…all the things, all in the same day, but it’s okay. Slow is better than stagnant.
I want to have…
Then: Children.
Now: Yeah…same. But I’m still working on my body, and chasing after that healing and strength, so, in due time, I can only hope.
I want to start…
Then: Waking up earlier.
Now: HAHA yeah, this isn’t happening, and I think I’m okay with it. Do I wish I was an early bird? Oh absolutely, but I also stay up a bit too late to get up too early. The other day, I had a 7 am physical therapy appointment, and OOF, I was in rough shape that whole day from a 6:15 wake up. Things take time to adjust to, I know, but I also LOVE sleeping. To thine own self be true, FOAS.
I want to continue to…
Then: Write every day!
Now: It’s hard to believe I wrote that on January 4th. It was my first day back at work after some time off, and I woke up early to sit, drink my coffee, and write my fourth blog post of the year. Getting to day 4 felt like so much work. And now I’m days away from day 100!
I’m going to stop…
Then: …thinking so much and doing more. And apologizing so much when it’s not needed.
Now: Oh right…that’s a good one about the apologizing. But I’ll add that I’m going to stop…trying to control everything in my life and learn to live in the gray a little more. This is a new pursuit of mine, and it’s a work in progress, but so is everything, right?
I want to be…
Then: Healthy.
Now: Healthy…still. A constant, every day pursuit. I’ll get there. I have to.
So there’s that. All my intentions still feel mostly in line with what I want to get out of this year. In some ways, I feel like a more whole person now than I did back in January, back on day 1 of writing. I have so much swirling and twirling in my insides, and I do best with getting those out in story form. What I didn’t know then that I know now is that so many of you are right there with me, and it’s so nice not to feel alone in this. Thank you for being here, for however long you stick around.
See you tomorrow, FOAS.