On Enjoying the Slow Down That Fall Brings + A Look Back

Today, as I write this (so, technically, tomorrow when you read this), is the first day of fall. The last quarter of the year is underway and anytime a new season rolls around as a marker of time, I like to step back and think. About what the previous season brought me or taught me, and about what’s to come. While I wrote recently about not actually decorating for fall out of pure laziness, I truly do love this time of year. I know I’m not the only one. And I don’t mean I love it in that way that’s become quite basic and hokie. To me, autumn is about slowing down, enjoying the little things, very “hygge” really, which is how I like to live 365 days of the year.

There’s an energy to summer, to do, to go, to explore, to live. That’s all well and good and exciting if you’re able to do it in a healthy way, but I’ve never been one to pick action over peace. Fall is quiet in a way, introverted, lovely. It doesn’t make us feel like we’re missing out on anything if we stay home, bake some bread, sit and read all weekend. Of course, ironically, in every field of work I’ve ever chosen, the end of September was a greenlight for project madness, swirling deadlines, high demands, especially now that I work in retail marketing, but I won’t dwell on that for now.

Instead, I’m choosing to look back at where I started the year 9 months ago (NINE MONTHS!), what I wanted out of 2021 for myself, how far I’ve come on some things, how hopes and desires might have changed in time. I’ve done this once already, realizing I hadn’t gotten too far on most things, so…let’s see how I’m doing with it all today:

I want to quit…

Then: Making lame excuses for why I’m not doing things.

Now: This will forever be an ongoing process, but if this year of writing (and not writing) has taught me anything, it’s how to give myself some grace. Growth over goals. But part of growth is stepping forward and doing the things you may not have been willing to do previously. It’s a delicate dance, and I think I’m getting better at that tango.

I want to learn…

Then: Spanish.

Now: Again, I know Spanish, conversationally, but I would still like to know it better, and not stumble over my vocabulary when chit-chatting with my grandmother or other family members. But, if I’m being honest, I haven’t done much to improve my language skills. Whoops.

I want to try…

Then: Reading more. 

Now: This has been a success this year. I’m still a bit touch and go with this. If I find a book I really enjoy, I can devour it quickly, reading every night and weekend, kind of how I used to do in my youth. I started a new novel recently that I’m a little lukewarm about, but I’ll keep going and give it a fighting chance.

I want to have…

Then: Children. 

Now: Everything in its time, as I’m learning.

I want to start…

Then: Waking up earlier. 

Now: Eh, no. Yes, I would *like* this, but maybe I’m just not an early riser, and that’s okay. I wake up early when I need to for appointments or projects or flights, but otherwise, I’ve let myself off the hook here. I feel good when I wake up at 8 or 9, and if my body wants to rise any earlier than that at any other point in my life, great. But until then, I’ll enjoy my 8 hours of rest without any guilt.

I want to continue to…

Then: Write every day! 

Now: So…this one has shifted a little bit, as you may know. But the balance I feel only a few weeks into my change to writing 5 days a week instead of every day is monumental. I have no regrets.

I’m going to stop…

Then: …thinking so much and doing more. And apologizing so much when it’s not needed.

Now: As a dyed in the wool people pleaser, apologizing is in my nature, but I do think I’m more aware of it, and a little better at finding other ways to express myself. My, haven’t I grown so much this year?!? 😉

I want to be…

Then: Healthy. 

Now: A constant daily desire and battle. I’m healthy, just uncomfortable, and I’ll keep fighting for an answer to how to feel 100% again. We’re the only ones who can fight our own fights, and I’m not giving up any time soon.

Welp, going through that exercise really did make me realize I’ve come a long way emotionally this year. When I started Project 365, I was coming from a place of near desperation. To control something, to distract my brain, to feel like I could accomplish something. I pushed myself, really freaking hard, unrelentingly so, and I have to be honest, it feels so dang good to have pulled back, made more time for me, found some more peace. By the beginning of August, I felt like I was in a daily battle with myself, and that’s not a good place to be. Don’t hold yourself hostage. Be your own best friend, your own cheerleader, your own counselor when you can. That’s not to say don’t turn to others to fill in the gaps, but no one can save you besides yourself.

Three more months and we’re staring into the face of 2022. A year I’m very excited for, mostly because I’m always excited for a new year, but I know life is going to look a little different then, in all the best ways. But until then, I’ll enjoy my quiet fall, my pumpkin loaves, my silly Halloween movies. I hope you do, too.

See you tomorrow, FOAS.